Fowl Drama
by yanlikesgold
Summary: When Holly gets a well deserved break, she decides to go to Fowl Manor. Embarrassing things happen and Artemis get caught in tight situations. Paring(s): Artemis/Holly, with some hints of Artemis/Minerva.
1. French Letters

**Hey there! This is my first AF fanfic and I hope you like it! Oh yes, I believe you've heard about the new AF movie! I hope it comes out soon... And I think with Michael Goldenberg penning the screenplay, I think it won't be a disappointment like the Percy Jackson movies...**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing, maybe the plot but the Artemis Fowl series belongs to Eoin Colfer. **

**Date: 21st June, Day 3**

**Incident 1: French Letters**

It was any other normal day for Artemis at Fowl manor. Perhaps, if you don't count that an elf who makes dung biscuits out of rule books staying at your place. Artemis was as usual in his laboratory tinkering with some sort of device. That's when the very normal day turned interesting.

"Artemis! Arty!" Holly's shrill voice called out from the other side of the door.

Artemis walked towards the door and unlocked it. Holly was holding a small brown parcel in one hand and a white envelope that had been opened in another hand.

"Your mom just sent you a letter! A french letter!" Holly informed him, waving the white letter in the air.

"I beg your pardon, Holly, what did you just say?"

"Your mom sent you a french letter, anything wrong with that?"

Artemis's face paled. "A french letter?" he croaked. "My mother sent me a french letter?" His fixated his eyes on the small brown parcel that was in Holly's hand.

"Yeah. What's with that expression on your face, Mud Boy?" Holly asked as she elbowed Artemis aside and entered the laboratory.

"Wow, what do we have here?" Holly picked up some wires from the table and fiddled with it. Artemis had recovered from what ever shock he had gotten just now, although his complexion was still paler than usual. She plopped herself down on one of the wooden chairs in the room and placed the parcel and the letter on the table.

"Did my mother say anything?" Artemis asked, stepping closer to Holly

"Well, she said that she was enjoying her time with your dad in France, and she hopes that you will enjoy your time with... me. And well, she _is _right. I am a very fun person. I will make sure you'll have _fun._"

"Y-you? Enjoy my time with you?" Artemis stuttered.

"What's wrong with you, Mud boy? You don't like me?"

Artemis placed his hands on her shoulders. Holly shifted uncomfortably on her seat. Her shoulders felt like they were burning. He pressed Holly against the chair and pressed his forehead against hers. The tips of their noses touched and Artemis stared into Holly's mismatched eyes. One blue, one brown. She could feel something within her burning. She turned away and tried to focus on his pale skin. Clean and maybe smooth. Not one sign of puberty.

"Are you sure you want this?" Artemis whispered lightly.

Holly was now confused. She hated to be confused. _Why is Artemis suddenly so passionate and all? _She pressed her hand lightly against his chest.

"Artemis... I, I'm not sure... I mean..."

Artemis put a finger to her lips, his other hand moving to her waist. "Say no more." He kissed her lips lightly, sending shock waves through Holly's body.

"Artemis, I don't think I want this..." she said, a moan forcing its way out of her mouth. Artemis didn't seem to hear. His hand started pulling the hem of her white tank top up and she felt his cold hand go up her back. Holly gasped, shoving Artemis forcefully. He hit his back against the table with great force.

"Holly, what was that for?" Artemis groaned, getting up and steadying himself by holding on to the table, pushing a stray battery off the table by accident. The battery dropped of the table with a thud and rolled in front of Artemis's feet.

"But... I think I get it. Holly, do you know what a french letter is?"

"Um, a letter from France? Why do you ask?"

"Ah," Artemis said. "A french letter is actually a..."

"A what?" Holly asked.

"A con-"

"Con what? Hurry up, Mud Boy. I don't have all day to hear you stammer."

"A condom."

"Oh." Holly's face turned beetroot red. "I didn't know a french letter meant, you know..."

"So by saying my mother sent me a french letter, you gave me the wrong idea."

"Uh-huh."

"Artemis! Are you there?" Butler called.

"I think we better act like ourselves before Butler thinks we're doing anything indecent," Holly suggested. Artemis stepped forward and slipped on the battery, falling on top of Holly, who had just gotten up from her chair. They both fell to the ground, with Artemis pinning Holly onto the ground. Just then, the door opened and Butler stood in the doorway with his mouth open.

"What- exactly do you think you're doing, Artemis?" Butler said, his voice controlled. Artemis was on top of Holly, one hand on her breast, the other on the floor. Holly looked at him accusingly with those big eyes. Butler narrowed his eyes.

"Whoops. Accident," Artemis mumbled as he blushed.

**-End of incident-**

**How did ya like it? Pls review to tell me how you find it. All con crit allowed and follow if you like it. I won't be updating regularly though, just to inform.**

**Edit: Most likely will be updating in 2nd Oct. And I need a Beta!**


	2. Listen now, I have something to clear

**Alright guys, I'm going to clear things here. Thalico fan extrodinare, I don't know who she is. BUT the idea of Fowl Drama is MINE. Not that I'm implying anything, but I hate it when people take my ideas. Maybe she knows me and heard about my idea when I was in school, but I don't know any of my friends who have an account with the pen name Thalico fan extrodinare. Although it may have the same title, and the first chapter may somehow be the same, but the rest will not. So, clear now? Hope you do understand. Sorry for any misunderstandings caused. And sorry to Thalico fan extrodinare if you find me harsh.**

**-yanlikesgold**


	3. Relationships

**Kay, ppl. Since things have been cleared I thought I should continue with the story. And thanks for informing me about the other Fowl drama. I am going to kill my friend (figuratively) when I get back to school. She told another friend of hers about the plans for Fowl drama, and apparently, her friend decided to write her own Fowl drama too. Putting that aside, here comes chapter 2! Oh and in my story, Arty is Catholic (like most Irish are). Nothing sacrilegious. okay. **

**Date: 30th June, Day 12**

**Incident 2: Relationships**

A black Mercedes pulled up in front of Fowl Manor. The chauffer got off and opened the door, revealing a girl with blonde tresses. She stepped out in those hot pink stilettoes of hers and brushed her dress down. The chauffer took her luggage out of the boot, placing it to her. The girl took it and walked to the gate with her head held high. She pressed the doorbell and a microphone crackled to life.

"This is?"

"Minerva. Minerva Paradizo," she replied in a clear voice.

"Ah, Minerva. Wait for a moment." The gates rolled open and Minerva pulled her luggage into Fowl Manor. Butler was waiting for her outside the door. He pushed the heavy doors open for Minerva to walk in. Minerva had just taken a step in when she walked back to face Butler again.

"Could you please bring my luggage in too?" she asked with a sweet voice. Butler nodded his head. Minerva walked in, finding Artemis and Holly sitting on the sofa. Artemis was typing furiously on his laptop while Holly was teasing him about French letters.

"Hey! Minerva! You're here! I've something to tell you!" Holly said, squealing in delight. "Something we can use to blackmail Genius Boy!"

Artemis immediately jumped out of his chair and ran over, clamping Holly's mouth. "No, you are not telling her anything about that day!" She pulled Artemis's hand away from her mouth. "Yes I am, yes I am!" Holly made a face at Artemis and hopped onto the sofa so that she was about the same height as Minerva. Holly whispered something into Minerva's ear. She nodded and gave a smile.

"Artemis, I think I'll go up to the room prepared for me first," Minerva said, going up the spiral staircase. "And Holly, maybe you want to come up with me too!" she added, winking her eye at Arty before she went up the stairs, her gold tresses bouncing along with every step.

"What was that for?" Artemis muttered. The day sure wasn't going really well for him.

* * *

"So, what do you want to do about this?" Minerva asked Holly while she filed her nails delicately.

"I'm thinking, we could tell Myles about this."

"Myles?" Minerva asked, looking up from her nails.

"Yes. He's something like Artemis. He might understand what we're talking about."

Minerva nodded her head, her eyes twinkling with a hint of mischief. She filed the last of her nails and placed the nail file aside on the dressing table, before getting up. "Let's go!"

* * *

"Thank you, Butler," Artemis said politely as Butler set the dish in front of him. Myles and Beckett were sitting next to him, while Holly and Minerva sat opposite him. Butler stood aside, facing the direction of the door of the dining hall.

Artemis led a prayer before they ate. Holly joined in, too, although the fairies believed in another religion. It was a form of respect. Then they began to eat. Artemis had only ate a mouthful when Myles asked him a question.

"Arty, do you mind if I ask you a question?"

"What is it, Myles?"

"Well, what is your relationship between Holly and Miss Paradizo?"

Artemis swallowed his food before clearing his throat to answer. But Myles had already asked the second question.

"Are you in layman terms, _two-timing_?"

Artemis choked on his own saliva. "Myles! Where... where did you learn all these?"

"Arty, there's such a thing called _the internet._" Myles' held up his smartphone and placed it on the table. "Don't tell me you don't know 'bout it?" Myles smirked, knowing clearly that Artemis would not be able to answer him this time. Artemis regained his composure and opened his mouth to speak.

"Myles, you are too young for these things."

"But you aren't _very_ old either, Arty. You're only 16!"

"Technically I am 18, Myles."

"You're in a clone. The clone is 16."

Arty resisted the urge to roll his eyes. "Okay, so do you want me to answer your question or not?"

Myles gave a little grin. "Sure Arty. I'm all ears."

"I am friends with both Miss Minerva Paradizo and Holly. As simple as that. I cannot _two-time_ them, as I am not dating any of them. Is that clear?"

Myles leaned towards Arty, putting both hands on the table. He lowered his voice and asked," then how do you explain _yesterday's __incident?_"

Artemis paled slightly. He knew clearly what Myles was referring to but... wasn't Myles a little too young to understand these?

"Myles, what... what are you... referring to?" Artemis croaked.

"Oh Arty, you know what I'm referring to."

The girls on the opposite side were giggling non-stop, whispering in hushed voices. Artemis knew they had something to do with this. He would settle this with them later. But for now, he was stuck in a sticky situation where he did not know how he should answer Myles' question.

"Well, this... apparently _someone_ was giving me the wrong signals," Artemis sneered. Holly purposely avoided his gaze, suddenly interested in her food.

By now, Myles was literally bouncing up and down in his chair. "So you do admit you like Holly? Or then why would you be _so willing _to do it to her?"

Artemis felt the heat rise in his cheeks. He was sure he was blushing heavily. "Myles, I will... I will talk to you privately later."

Myles cocked his head slightly to the side. "Okay then." A smug smile appeared on his face as he continued eating, leaving Artemis alone.

They continued with their dinner in a awkward silence, only with the occasional giggle or whisper.

Artemis shot Holly a _I'm-gonna-get-you-later_ glare. Holly got up from her seat and went over to Artemis'. Standing on her toes, she whispered cheekily:

"By get you later, do you mean you want to do it with me again?"

Artemis blushed.

**-End of Incident 2-**

**How did you guys like it? Sorry for not updating for so long! **


	4. The Contract

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters or the AF series.**

**Date: 30th June, Day 12, after dinner**

**Incident 2 (and a half)**

**Chapter 3: The deal**

Minerva and Butler helped clear the plates, although Butler had firmly said no to Minerva's help. It was only when Minerva whispered something to Butler did he agree to it. They joked and laugh while they went down the hallways to the kitchen. Artemis had a bad feeling that they were actually laughing at him. He ignored the feeling and turned to face Myles.

"So now, as we walk back to your room, I will explain it to you **in detail** what actually happened."

Myles wiped his mouth with a cloth before folding it and placing it on the table gently.

"Arty, I think you can save the explanation. Your actions had already answered for you. You should go get Miss Short before she runs away, shouldn't you?" Myles teased and snickered softly as he slid of his chair ungracefully and walked back to his room with Beckett, the thick carpets muffling out the sounds of their footsteps. Artemis sat there, fuming silently, but not letting his emotions show.

While he was halfway through his mental rambling, he felt a light tug on his neck. Looking down, he saw Holly pulling his black tie seductively.

"Holly, wha... what are you doing?" Artemis asked as he got pulled off his seat. She pressed her own lips to his, effectively shutting him up. Artemis' eyes bulged in surprise. Before he had any time to react, Holly led him down the hallways, still holding onto his tie. After a while of going down the winding hallways, Holly finally stopped in front of a room that Artemis knew too well. It was his own room. Pushing it open, and entered it with Artemis behind her. She pushed Artemis onto his bed, and Artemis didn't resist. She slammed and locked the door, then she crawled onto the bed and started to straddle Artemis.

"Holly... I thought..."

"You always assume, my darling Arty."

She leaned forward and kissed Artemis on the lips, her tongue tracing Artemis' lips. Artemis rolled on top of Holly, his hands starting to roam freely around Holly's body. He could feel Holly's hand move down his waist, down to his hip, and then to his half hard member. She squeezed it lightly, causing him to let out a moan.

"Holly..."

Suddenly, there was a click and cheers as Holly pushed him off, causing Artemis to land on his rump. He stared, wide-eyed as Minerva strode into the room from the balcony in a black cloak and a smartphone in her hands and little Myles trotting smugly behind her.

"Min... Minerva? M...Myles?!"

"Why Arty, you're shocked to see me?" Minerva and Myles said at the same time.

"Jinx!" Minerva squealed. Myles pouted his lips.

"Fine. That's doesn't count, alright?"

Myles gave his infamous smirk and cocked his head to the side.

"So Arty, I see that you'll need some time to take in what is happening as you are the prey for the first time. Defeated by an elf, a girl, and your baby brother. And by one of the oldest tricks in the book." Myles sighed mockingly and let out a little laugh.

Artemis told himself to calm down. He took deep breaths and then spoke.

"So what do you want from me?"

It was now Holly's turn to smirk. "Well, darling Arty, you wouldn't mind if I send this to Butler and your parents, right? And most importantly, _Foaly_."

"No, not Foaly!" Artemis shrieked (a manly shriek).

"Then you'll have to agree to something. Why not we make a deal?" Minerva suggested.

Artemis began contemplate the thought of it. _Why not? There shouldn't be much harm to it, right?_

Making his decision, Artemis got up from the floor and dusted himself.

"Alright then. State your terms."

"No more changing of the terms and conditions, understood?" Minerva told, clearing her throat slightly as she held the printed paper in her hands.

"Artemis Fowl will listen to Holly Short, Minerva Paradizo and Myles Fowl for a day. He must do anything they say and all instructions must be followed. They may not order Artemis do anything that will endanger his life, or anything that is morally and socially inacceptable. On the other hand, if Artemis attempts to break the rules, the picture and the video will be immediately sent to the above recipients: Foaly, Fowl Senior, Angeline Fowl and Butler and they will have the freedom to send it to whoever they would like to. Once the day is over, the picture and the video will be deleted from all databases including smartphones and cameras. During this one-day period, they are also not allowed to send the picture or video via any forms of communication / communication methods. After the deal has been completed, no one is to speak about this incident or bring it up to anyone else apart from the people involved. If all are agreeable, please sign below."

Minerva placed the piece of paper on the table.

"Sign, Artemis. We've all signed already."

Artemis read through it one more time. He picked up his fountain pen on the table and signed next to the other three signatures. The one next to his was scrawled messily. No doubt it was Myles. Minerva snatched the paper from his hands and photocopied it. She handed the photocopied copy to Artemis.

"You keep this and I'll keep _this_," Minerva said, folding the paper into half, and then another time. She stuffed the paper into the pocket of her dress and sat down beside Artemis.

"So what do you want me to do?"

Minerva, Holly and Myles gathered together and whispered for a moment. Artemis strained his ears to hear but he could hear nothing.

"Okay!" Holly declared. "_You_, will be going shopping with us tomorrow."

Artemis groaned and slumped back into his seat, totally defeated.

"Seriously. _Shopping?_"

**-End of incident 2 (and a half)-**

**Yay! I'm done with this! How did you guys like this?**


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